Barbie, you getting old bitch.

Barbie is that you?

When I was in Paris, I got to participate in birthday celebrations for one of fashions biggest contributors, Barbie. The little plastic vixen that has become a staple in the lives of little girls around the world since her creation 50 years ago, never ceases to amaze me. It was a night of fun and lots and lots of bubbles, both in and out of the champagne, but it left me with a few question. How does she maintain that perfect hourglass figure? And at 50 how does she manage to keep steady ‘old Ken’s eyes from wandering?

I would love to get Barbie really plastered and see what she has to say. Can’t you just see it? That perfect hair, matted and shaggy hanging in her face, lopsided grin replacing the perfect smile. Dress riding up, heels hanging almost off her feet sprawled out in the booth. Drunkenly slurring about how she hasn’t gotten decent sex in the last 50 years, while spilling her champagne on her clothes.

Barbie wasted? She Is Nicotine.


3 Responses to “Barbie, you getting old bitch.”

  1. actually, barbie and ken got a divorce.

  2. Botched surgery, and lots of it.

  3. Brigitte Says:

    I feel like she’d be too old and jaded and worldly to get down to any raving drunken action…

    She might complain bitterly about regrets from her past… but I feel like other than that, she’d be a bit too spent to be as fun as one might expect…

    Maybe back in the 70’s when she was still a fairly young thing she might’ve been a wild and wandering lush… but I dunno…

    She’d make a pretty awesome mom/grandma though (all-be-it a totally fucked up one haha).

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