Archive for Barbie

The real Barbie.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on March 26, 2009 by sheisnicotine

BARBIIIEE!!!

Continuing with the trend, heres another treat for Barbie’s bday. I did it. I finally tracked down the real Barbie. After much searching, and bribing her security guards, I got an interview with the girl herself. She was really busy, and she was getting her makeup done when I was there (she has the best staff), but I managed to get a few words of wisdom from the woman herself.

SO this is for all of you, because everyone loves Barbie so much, a meditation on life, from Barbie:

“Eat well. Smile often. Never give it all up on the first date. Keep your appearance neat and ordered, because it breeds order in the rest of your life. Wait to have kids, because they really can drag you down. Never wear socks and sandals, and always remember that too much matching is never a good thing. Live, laugh, love in whatever order, just make sure you experience all of them at one point”

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Barbie, you getting old bitch.

Posted in She Is Nicotine. with tags , , , , , , on March 24, 2009 by sheisnicotine

Barbie is that you?

When I was in Paris, I got to participate in birthday celebrations for one of fashions biggest contributors, Barbie. The little plastic vixen that has become a staple in the lives of little girls around the world since her creation 50 years ago, never ceases to amaze me. It was a night of fun and lots and lots of bubbles, both in and out of the champagne, but it left me with a few question. How does she maintain that perfect hourglass figure? And at 50 how does she manage to keep steady ‘old Ken’s eyes from wandering?

I would love to get Barbie really plastered and see what she has to say. Can’t you just see it? That perfect hair, matted and shaggy hanging in her face, lopsided grin replacing the perfect smile. Dress riding up, heels hanging almost off her feet sprawled out in the booth. Drunkenly slurring about how she hasn’t gotten decent sex in the last 50 years, while spilling her champagne on her clothes.

Barbie wasted? She Is Nicotine.